Repair Attempts

Research by John Gottman identified repair attempts — the specific things partners say or do during conflict to interrupt escalation and keep the exchange from becoming destructive — as one of the most significant predictors of relationship health. Successful repair attempts signal that connection matters more than winning, and they give both partners permission to step back from the heat of the moment without either capitulating or disengaging.

This subtopic explores repair attempts as a relationship communication practice: what they are, why they work, and how to use them effectively even in the middle of a heated exchange. You will find guidance on the range of verbal and nonverbal repair moves available to couples — from explicit de-escalation requests to humour, touch, and explicit statements of care — and on how to recognise and receive a partner's repair attempt when your own emotional activation is making it hard to see it. The articles also address the conditions that make repair attempts more or less likely to succeed: the relational trust that gives repair attempts their power, and the contempt or stonewalling that makes them almost impossible to land.

Repair attempts are the communication skill that keeps relationships resilient through inevitable conflict. These articles develop your ability to make and receive them.